Have you ever been to hospital? As what? A patient? Relatives? What did you feel? Sadness? Sorrow? Pain? Optimism? Joy? A lot of things happen there. All those emotions might show up at once in hospital. I prefer to say that hospital is a weird place because of those emotions, the ambience etc. Some people might feel deep sorrow caused by the loss of their loved ones, some others such as new dad might be screaming in joy because of their newborn baby and safety of the mother. Hospital is weird.
Within these 6 months and something in college, I’ve been at RSUP dr. Sardjito a few times. Mostly for tutorials (because the tutor is some super-busy specialist at the hospital), then as a medical student giving foods for the visitors, and also as a sudden donor for blood. All of them gave me different feelings. For tutorials maybe I was too concentrated with the materials and my preparation I didn’t observe the surroundings in detail. Giving foods made me feel good, sharing happiness even if just a bit of them. Being a donor made me worry about the safety of the child patient whom I donored my blood to, will she be alright…
Of all those things, those feelings at the hospital. I’ve never felt comfortable if I have hang around there with my friends, so I prefer to keep distance with them at the hospital. I always feel under pressure at the hospital, how I feel sadness around the patient/relatives while I still have to smile and cheer them. On the other side, hanging out with friends means that there’ll be a lot of laugh etc. What will the patient think about that? “Shit, these kids can’t even empathise on what I feel and they consider themselves future doctors?” Isn’t that how they’ll think? That’s why. It’s not that I don’t like hanging out with friends. Only, well, it’s hospital. That place is weird. And it’ll take a lot of emotional toll on us medical students. I hope that I will give more joy than sorrow there. Um wait, I hope I won’t give even a slight hint of sorrow. Amen.
posted 1 month ago